I have had long periods of depression in my life. Like a constant sadness, a never ending grief or just this suffocating thing that lies on my shoulders like a burden.
Some days I haven’t even been able to get out of bed. It is something that puts a strain in relationships, your work life and your view of the world. Is it worth living, is there a meaning, is Death Only the Beginning?
Don’t worry. This is not a cry for help, a hint that I am suicidal. In fact, I feel better than I have in a long, long time.
To that I have to thank my lovely girlfriend, my spiritual life and role playing games.
Role Playing Games might sound trivial when it comes to spirituality and intimate relationships. Well, to me it is not.
It was through Role Playing Games i got to know many of my friends. It was through them I met my girlfriend and they are the things that have made me drag my sorry ass out of bed and prep for game sessions. It is something that always have given me joy and motivated me when I have had no motivation for anything else.
When I am at my job, when I have all the responsibilities, the stress and the colleagues that are hindering more than helping well. Then I can escape to my RPG thoughts. Plan a future campaign, go through a plot in my head or just think back on game sessions that were so powerful that they still fill me with strong emotions.
KULT: Divinity Lost is the role playing game that have touched me the deepest. Right now it is what takes up most of my mind. I walk through the labyrinth of the complex mythology. Read the scenarios, plan campaigns and just explore the dark worlds and in the end myself. It is so tightly tied to my own gnostic spirituality that I can explore that part of myself at the same time as I plan and play.
I can use the game to explore the jungian shadow within us.
Here my creativity can flow free.
And this game. This book. These words. They unlock something within me. They make me feel like when I fell in love with my first bands as a teen, when I first discovered role playing games. I feel hope. I feel strong. I use KULT, the darkest, vilest, and most beautiful game ever to battle my Depression.
Isn’t it ironic.